


Precipice

by Xochiquetzl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-21
Updated: 2004-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xochiquetzl/pseuds/Xochiquetzl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel faces off with Osiris, and faces some truths about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Precipice

**Author's Note:**

> This story originally appeared in the zine Splinters, and was nominated for a FanQ. Thanks to quercus for the beta!

_Nymph, in thy orisons  
Be all my sins remember'd.  
_Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1

Shifu had warned him that his hatred would be his undoing. Which, no doubt, explained why he was dressed as a Lotar, pretending to be Yu's slave Jarren, and preparing to launch a biological weapon against the Goa'uld. The Goa'uld had never signed the Geneva convention, and, Daniel supposed, apparently neither had he. He stared at the floor in front of Yu's feet, hoping none of his thoughts were showing on his face. Fortunately, Yu seemed thoroughly disinterested in the thoughts of the slave kneeling at his feet, and wandered off to sit, demanding tea.

Too fast, it had all happened too fast. Teal'c had come to ask him if he was okay with the mission, but neither Sam nor Jack had. Daniel poured Yu's tea and wondered if they had avoided talking to him about it because they disapproved. Of course Sam disapproved, Sam would disapprove; her sense of ethics was almost rigidly absolute, it was part of her Sam-ness. As for Jack, well, Jack probably disapproved of the Geneva convention aspects and would prefer a small tactical nuke.

Or maybe he was projecting his own self-disgust.

Daniel set the teapot down and knelt again, and Yu dismissed him. He went to his cot to close his eyes and think. This was his revenge for Sha're and for Sarah, that he would annihilate the Goa'uld, and thereby become like a Goa'uld himself, just like Shifu warned him. Sha're would disapprove, especially of him doing this for her; her last "words" were telling him to forgive. On the other hand, Sha're, being dead--_forgive me-_-no longer had a vote.

Shifu said, "If the instrument is broken, the music will be sour." He was fine with it, really-okay, no he wasn't. Jacob said he'd be unharmed, but it wasn't true. He would be a broken instrument-if he could even consider doing this, did it mean he was already broken?-but wasn't it worth it? to prevent the Goa'uld from ever harming anyone ever again?

Yu called to him, and ordered him to accompany him to the council chamber. Daniel followed Yu, lost in his own thoughts, and stood silently behind him. He didn't even pay much attention to the discussion of the strange new Goa'uld. It wasn't important. They'd all be dead soon. He wondered idly if Jack had ever done anything like this. Of course he had-he'd been sent to Abydos with a nuclear weapon intending to kill tens of thousands of civilians. Maybe that's why Jack hadn't come to talk to him beforehand; maybe Jack didn't like the idea of Daniel becoming more like him.

More like Jack. Jack was a good man, his friend. He could live with that. He pulled out the crystal and prepared to deploy the weapon when he heard a voice.

He recognized that voice. Sarah. A voice that had given lectures, risen in passion at learning something new, and whispered his name in the dark. A human voice.

Human.

He could live with the Goa'uld, but what of their hosts?

He put the crystal back. No. This was a battle he would have to deny after all.

He thought Sarah/Osiris looked directly at him, but she gave no sign of having recognized him. Daniel kept his eyes front and lowered, staring at the floor and hoping he passed for a faithful Lotar. It was a vain hope, he realized, but it was all he had.

* * *

"Daniel Jackson." It was Osiris, and it was a statement, not a question. "Tell me what subversions you are planning, or I will bleed you dry."

"I thought you weren't allowed to bring weapons." Daniel looked pointedly at her knife. She poked at his neck with it, and he added, "Kill me, and I can't tell you anything."

Osiris considered this, then put her knife away. "Follow me, or I will reveal your identity."

Daniel pondered this for a moment, then nodded. He supposed he could just use the drug he'd used on Yu, but he wanted information ... well, to be honest, he wanted to reach Sarah. He followed her out of Yu's quarters and through the corridors, behind and slightly to the side, head down. She led him into her quarters, and the door closed behind them.

Osiris turned suddenly, and ran her hands over Daniel's chest. "I remember this body." She stepped closer, hands reaching to pull Daniel's shoulders closer. Daniel flinched and started to back away. Osiris laughed and followed, and he stumbled, the backs of his legs hitting a bed. He toppled backwards onto it, and Osiris landed on top of him. "Perfect!" she purred.

Daniel squirmed out from under her and scrambled to the far side of the bed. "No," he said.

"Oh, this is adorable!" Osiris said. "Too bad Sarah doesn't deserve such loyalty." She watched Daniel carefully, to see if he'd take the bait. He didn't, but she continued anyway, "She was only with you to ride your coattails."

"That's not true!" Daniel crossed his arms and edged even farther away from Osiris. He knew it wasn't true, but it was something he'd feared when she left, and it hurt.

"Why did she leave you as soon as your career was ruined?" Osiris laughed coldly. "She remained until the last minute, didn't she? She really enjoyed the sex."

"I have to ask, does this approach usually work on Goa'uld?" Daniel asked icily.

"She never loved you, you silly boy. It was all about her career ... and the sex." Osiris paused, then added, "Same body." She moved closer to Daniel.

Daniel shrank away. "I see I know Sarah better than you do," Daniel said.

Osiris laughed again. "Oh, I _know_ Sarah. You think Sarah's unhappy? She always wanted power and knowledge, and I can give her that." She moved closer again. "Knowing that you were right makes you _so_ much more appealing to her ..."

Osiris _did_ know Sarah. Sarah knew Daniel's buttons, and knew how to push them. There had been a time, once, where he would have taken proof of his theories to Sarah, to say to her, _Look, I was right!_ to try to win her back. Osiris leaned forward to kiss him, and he actually considered it for a moment before turning his head to look away.

"We could have ended it better," Osiris breathed into Daniel's ear. "Do you remember our last night together?"

"I remember my last night with Sarah," Daniel said stubbornly, pulling away. "You and I have never had a night together."

"I bet you thought it was a goodbye present." Osiris ran a finger up Daniel's arm and made an appreciative noise deep in her throat.

"It's none of your business what I think," Daniel said, closing his eyes.

"She just wanted to enjoy you one last time before she discarded you for her career's sake." Daniel tried not to react, sitting still, eyes still closed, face composed. "She offered herself to Steven Rayner, you know."

Daniel's head swiveled around to glare at Osiris before he could stop himself. He saw the triumph in her eyes, and looked away again. "You're lying."

"Oh, he said no. He didn't want your leftovers."

Not reacting was becoming almost impossible. Daniel felt a wave of irrational jealousy, and fought it. He turned to look searchingly at Osiris, wondering if there was any Sarah reachable in there.

"Jealous?" Osiris asked. "Maybe you should ... stake your claim." She smiled sweetly and leaned in to try to kiss Daniel again.

"I hear I'm worth more than a day's rations on the open market," Daniel asked easily. "Will you still be interested in me after I've said yes?"

Osiris froze for a moment, and Daniel could almost see wheels and gears turning. She hadn't been expecting that. _Good_, he thought. After a moment that probably wasn't as long as it seemed to Daniel, she recovered. "Are you asking if I'll respect you in the morning?" She considered the question with an odd sort of whimsy. "Well, that depends on _you,_ doesn't it?"

"I don't know," Daniel said.

"I think you're underestimating yourself, my little Scheherazade. I'm sure you could keep me entertained for at least a thousand and one nights." She laughed. "Trust me, you're worth far more than a day's rations to me." She leaned closer again. "Sarah doesn't have anyone to discuss her findings with. She's _living_ mythology, and you're the only person who knows as much about Egypt as she does, now. Just think about what you could learn with me." She leaned even closer, and whispered in his ear, "You were right. She knows that, now."

"You know," Daniel said softly, "if you were just Sarah, I'd consider it."

"Just Sarah would never have known you were right. Just Sarah thought you were a fool."

"_I_ knew I was right," Daniel said.

"But to never share that with anyone?" Osiris asked. "Isn't that lonely?"

Daniel knew, quite suddenly. He _knew_. Osiris was after the secrets of the Tau'ri, and his body was just a mildly interesting bonus at best, and the most vulnerable point of approach at worst.

It must have shown in his face, because Osiris pulled away and stood, and said, "Today will henceforth be known as the day the Tok'ra blood ran free! And after we're through with the Tok'ra, the Tau'ri will be next!"

Daniel nodded thoughtfully, which apparently wasn't the reaction Osiris expected. "Can I kiss Sarah goodbye?" he asked.

Osiris got a coldly triumphant look on her face and nodded, and Daniel realized that she probably thought he didn't know a symbiote could leap hosts through a kiss. _Most vulnerable point, then._ He stood and stepped forward, hesitantly, and grasped her arms, using the ring to inject her with the drug.

Osiris blinked, disoriented, and Daniel said, "Forgive me, I'm lost. I must be in the wrong quarters. May I have your permission to leave?" She nodded, and he turned and left.

The warning to the Tok'ra would be a worthwhile consolation prize for the mission. It would have to be. He found himself thinking of Apophis' host. He said he would speak the words of power and do the rites, that the host would pass through the seven gates and see his wife and children and rejoice with them forever. A pretty lie at best, a betrayal at worst.

There were no words he could say for Sarah. For any of them "trapped in an unending nightmare," as the host said.

He found snatches of the Book of the Dead stuck in his head in Egyptian as he headed for Jacob's shuttle: _Homage to thee, Osiris, Lord of eternity, King of the Gods, whose names are manifold, whose forms are holy, thou being of hidden form in the temples, whose Ka is holy... O messenger of every god! Art thou come to snatch away my heart? My heart shall not be given unto thee... Come, cut away the fetters from him that passeth by the side of this path, and let me come forth therefrom... I am master of my heart. I am master of my hands and arms. I am master of my legs. I have the power to do that which my Ka desireth to do. _

It was time to go home.

* * *

_Sarah lay in his arms, but she seemed oddly stiff and distant. Daniel kissed the top of her head, and she looked up at him and said, "I'm leaving you." _

_"You ...... **what**?" _

_Sarah slipped out of bed and started gathering her clothes. "I made dinner. It's in the oven." _

_"You cooked dinner to leave me?" Sarah didn't answer, she just dressed, so Daniel said, "Sarah!" _

_"I'm sorry," she said, and opened the closet door. She pulled out her suitcase. _

"Danny?" Jacob said. Daniel looked up, and Jacob continued, "We're almost home."

"Thanks," Daniel said. It was just as well; he didn't want to remember the rest, the accusations and yelling and blame. He preferred to remember it the way Sarah tried to end it. He wished he had been able to accept her easy out, but it had been too sudden, too unexpected. "Were you able to warn the Tok'ra?" he asked.

"They were already under attack," Jacob admitted. "Sorry."

Daniel looked away and sighed.

"You okay?"

Jacob looked worried, so Daniel said, "I'm fine."

"I'm fine," Daniel told Teal'c, Sam, and Jack, sliding off the infirmary bed. They continued to watch him, worried, so he blurted out, "I didn't do it."

Sam hugged him, and Daniel smiled and patted her on the back.

"You okay with not doing it?" Jack asked.

Sam looked scandalized, but Daniel just smiled. "Yeah."

"I'm going to go tell my dad to never ask you to do something like that again," Sam said, and headed for the door.

"I'm fine!" Daniel called after her back, but she gave no sign of hearing him.

"So," Jack said.

"So." Daniel sighed.

"You're, um ..."

"Fine." Jack looked at him suspiciously, but didn't push, for which Daniel was grateful. The concern was sweet, but sometimes the demands for reassurance that he was okay could become a distraction and burden, and he was always relieved when they just took his word for it and left him alone to handle it himself. "Need sleep, though."

Jack nodded, and they headed towards the door. "Beer?"

"I just want to go home." And be alone.

Jack watched him, looking like he might want to object, and Daniel turned back to Teal'c, who inclined his head to him. Jack subsided.

* * *

Daniel sat on his bed with his journal. He opened it, and looked at the blank page.

_Dear Sarah,_ Daniel wrote.

He looked at the page for a few more minutes, trying to compose his thoughts, but he didn't know what to say. So he sighed, and started over on the next page.

_Dear Sha're, _

_Part of me hopes that if there is an afterlife, you can't see me and see what I considered doing. _

No, that really wasn't precisely it, either. It wasn't Sha're's opinion that frightened him as much as his own. So, underneath, he wrote, _Dear Me, _

_I understand why you were considering what you were considering, but I'm trying not to be disappointed in you. _

Okay, that was ridiculous, but it was also cathartic.

_Lucky for you, I'm an agnostic and am not going to hold sin in thought against you. _

That made him smile. Then he wrote, _I forgive you._

He considered scratching those last three words out. They felt silly, sitting there on the page, and he couldn't help but wonder if he deserved his own forgiveness.

He looked at the words _I forgive you_ again, underlined them, and put the journal and his pen in his nightstand. He decided to go take Jack up on that beer tomorrow and turned out the light.


End file.
